Thursday, September 21, 2023
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Lock And Key – Bike Snob NYC

Because the creator of the Chris King Headset Composite Index, I used to be dismayed to study (a number of days after it was reported, I’m fairly checked out as of late) that the Chris King headquarters has been robbed:

I’m loath to even point out this, since final time I discussed a stolen present bike I obtained in every kind of hassle:

Principally, the too-long-didn’t-read of it’s a bike obtained stolen at NAHBS, somebody posted a pretend Craigslist “on the market” advert for it, I tweeted a hyperlink to at, and the builder then accused me of making the advert, which I most assuredly didn’t:

Ah, 2010…it was an easier time. Folks have been so simply offended. Not like in the present day.

Anyway, it’s been 13 years (!), so I prefer to assume perhaps it’s secure to handle the topic of stolen present bikes once more. After all, the primary query that involves thoughts once you examine a heist like that is: “Who?” Not solely is the marketplace for artisan street and gravel bikes tiny, however each single individual concerned within the promoting, making, and using of this stuff is aware of one another and are buddies. Moreover, all of them have Instagram accounts, and continuously submit photographs of their bicycles, which might make possessing one in every of this stuff and being unable to take action a type of torture since they’d by no means be capable of share a single image with out incriminating themselves. Sure, I suppose the perpetrator might be some bitter, jilted outdated creep the biking world has lengthy since deserted–a once-revered, now-forgotten bike blogger, for instance–although I preserve it couldn’t be me as a result of my presence at MADE would have been reasonably conspicuous:

Plus, I’ve a superb alibi, as I used to be stealing salmon at a completely completely different bike present that week.

Given all this, it’s laborious to consider the heist was an inside job engineered by a member of the “bike tradition,” although BikePortland appears to recommend it was in truth a “brah-on-brah” crime:

Nonetheless, it ought to be famous BikePortland has an excellent worse report with accusations than I do with stolen present bikes. Bear in mind when they wrongly outed some man who joined a bunch experience as an undercover officer as a result of he and the cop have been each Asian?

I actually do, as a result of when you’ve got a vested curiosity in making enjoyable of stuff like “tactical urbanists” who arrange group rides and the town of Portland, that is precisely the type of factor you reside for.

Wow, trying again, it’s nearly like the one factor the Web is sweet for is producing misunderstandings and making folks offended!

In any case, engaged on my concept that the thieves have been probably outsiders, I took to Portland Craigslist within the hopes that I might discover listings for the stolen bikes. Alas, I couldn’t, however I used to be heartened to study that the over-the-top city fixie (or on this case I assume singlespeed) factor is alive and properly within the Metropolis of Roses:

Moreover, as a non permanent Nishiki custodian I used to be genuinely impressed with this quantity:

Classic Pelotons additionally look like a scorching merchandise:

I can completely see folks in Portland cueing up their ironic Olivia Newton-John vinyl and figuring out on this stuff:

And naturally something even remotely Speedvagen-adjacent nonetheless instructions a excessive premium, even an outdated Allez body that was merely painted there:

That’s like asking $150 for a used white Hanes V-neck since you scribbled on it in Sharpie on the Prada retailer.

Nonetheless, there have been no stolen present bikes, and that gold Allez was about as shut as I obtained.

Talking of motorcycle thieves, I might use one proper now, as a result of my son’s key broke off within the lock:

I’m open to any and all solutions.



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